Life in Hell Quotes

"When it comes to peanut butter, does God prefer creamy or chunk-style?" -Bongo

Obsessive fan: I'm your biggest fan. I've got everything you've ever done. What's that there?
Groening: A Life in Hell book.
Obsessive fan: Never heard of it.

Groening's kid: 'Fraid monkeys.
Groening: I know you're afraid of monkeys right now. But when you're older, you won't be afraid of monkeys. Monkeys will never get in the house. They live far, far away. They live in trees in the jungle. Mommy and Daddy will always protect you. Ok?...Ok?
Groening's kid: 'Fraid bunnies.

"...And always remember to be a caring Republican. Step OVER the homeless, not on them." -a Republican

"Why is it that all you failing students have such negative attitudes?" -a teacher

"My name is talking Akbar, and I have extremely ambivalent feelings about you." -Akbar doll

"I'm going to tell God to kick you." -Groening's kid

Teacher: The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.
Bongo: And the only place where a diploma comes before mind-crushing boredom is fantasyland.

Teacher: Any questions, class?
Bongo (thinking): Why is school run like a jail? How come you're so boring? Why are there so many stupid rules? How come these desks are so uncomfortable? Why do we have to use such bland textbooks? How come there is so much emphasis placed on rote memorization? Why are we given so much pointless busywork? How come we need permission to speak? Why do we have to answer such trivial questions on tests? If a student fails, doesn't that really mean the teacher failed? Does school have to be this bad? Will I ever get any satisfactory answers? (raises hand)
Teacher: Yes?
Bongo: May I please have permission to sharpen my pencil?
Teacher: No.

Binky: Go ahead, Son. Ask me anything that's on your mind.
Bongo: If you lick a fly swatter, will it kill you? Is today's music as lame as it sounds? How can God sleep when people are starving? When you see someone wearing a t-shirt that says "Sexy Grampa," should you run? Is pine-scented insecticide really such a good idea? What are people who wear black fingernail polish thinking? If animals have no souls, where will rover spend eternity? If you stick yourself with a pencil, will you get lead poisoning? Do amoebas feel love? Is there anything scarier than open mike poetry reading? If you vote Republican, does that make you an accomplice to their crimes? Are animal balloons art?…Well?
Binky: (pause) Time for bed.

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." -supposed quote from Nietzsche

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