Daria Quotes

Mrs. Manson: What do you see in the picture, Daria?
Daria: Um... a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.
Mrs. Manson: Uh, there aren't any ponies. It's two people.
Daria: Last time I took one of these tests they told me they were clouds. They said they could be whatever I wanted.
Mrs. Manson: That's a different test, dear. In this test, they're people and you tell me what they're discussing.
Daria: Oh... I see. All right, then. It's a guy and a girl and they're discussing... a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.
(Esteemsters)

Mr. DeMartino: Daria, can you concisely and unemotionally sum up for us the doctrine of Mainfest Destiny?
Daria: Mainfest Destiny was a slogan popular in the 1840s. It was used by people who claimed it was God's will for the U.S. to expand all the way to the Pacific Ocean. (pause) These people did not include many Mexicans.
(Esteemsters)

"Don't worry. I don't have low self-esteem. It's a mistake. I have low esteem for everyone else." -Daria, Esteemsters

Helen: Daria, your father's trying to tell you not to judge people until you know them. You're in a brand-new school in a brand-new town. You don't want it to be Highland all over again.
Daria: Not much chance of that happening... unless there's uranium in the drinking water here, too.
(Esteemsters)

"I like having low self-esteem. It makes me feel special." -Jane, Esteemsters

Mr. O'Neill: What's a daydream that you'd like to see come true?
Daria: Well, I guess I'd like my whole family to do something together.
Mr. O'Neill: Excellent!
Daria: Something that'll really make them suffer.
(Esteemsters)

Jake: How's the old self-esteem coming, kiddo?
Daria: My self-esteem teacher says that being addressed all my life with childish epithets like "kiddo" is probably a key source of my problem.
(Esteemsters)

Ms. Defoe: (examines Daria's drawing) Good work, Daria. Your cube is bursting out of the picture plane. You've really created the illusion of depth.
Daria: I'm thinking of going into politics.
(The Invitation)

Daria: You're really bursting out of the picture plane here.
Jane: Oh, yeah. That particular model was quite bursty. I think she had her bursts done.
(The Invitation)

Daria: If you want to go, just make believe you're me. When you're popular, all unpopular people look alike anyway.
Jane: (puts on Daria's glasses and imitates her) "Hi, I'm Daria. Go to hell." (normal voice) It won't work. My face is too expressive.
(The Invitation)

Quinn: Tell Daria she can't go to Brittany's party. My popularity is at stake.
Helen: Now, don't begrudge your sister a chance to expand her circle of friends.
Quinn: Maybe now she'll have two.
Daria: Touché, Quinn.
Quinn: And don't think you're confusing me with that French.
(The Invitation)

"I was ready to go before we got here." -Daria, The Invitation

Daria: What happened to your fan club?
Quinn: They beat each other up. It was kind of... what's that thing, when stuff turns out funny? Moronic.
Jane: Ironic.
Daria: She was right the first time.
(The Invitation)

"How come even in my fantasies everyone's a jerk?" -Daria, College Bored

"Thrown out of college without enrolling first. I'm damn proud of you." -Jane, College Board

Mr. O'Neill: Right here and now, let's pledge to make Daria's dream a reality.
Daria: You mean the one where people walking down the street burst into flames?
(Café Dissaffecto)

Mr. O'Neill: I guess you want to read one of your essays.
Daria: No, I wasn't actually thinking about performing.
Mr. O'Neill: Maybe that one about being a big misfit whom everybody hates. The other kids will really relate to that. I know I do.
Daria: I don't think that would be a great idea. That's the one that compares the sophomore class to barnyard animals. It names names.
(Café Dissaffecto)

"I have no friends. I walk alone." -Jane, Café Dissaffecto

Daria: I once gave the Heimlich Maneuver to Quinn.
Jane: Did it work?
Daria: She wasn't choking.
(Café Dissaffecto)

(Jane and Daria watch a woman having a heart attack)
Jane: We should be doing something right now. I'm sure of it.
Daria: Yeah, I think you're right.
(Café Dissaffecto)

Daria: I believe in coffee, coffee for everyone. But I don't want to sell chocolate anymore. It makes me feel dirty.
Jane: The bad kind of dirty.
(Café Dissaffecto)

"But if I babysat for you, then technically I'd be doing you a favor. And that simply cannot be." -Daria, Pinch Sitter

Daria: Actually, he seemed to think I was your au pair. He asked me how I liked America so far.
Quinn: People are so weird.
Daria: Some are weird. Some are just astonishingly self-centered and deceitful.
(Pinch Sitter)

"Forget it. I don't like kids. I didn't even like kids when I was a kid." -Daria, Pinch Sitter

"Ten dollars surcharge if I have to spend more than fifteen minutes with the parents." -Daria, Pinch Sitter

Tad: Compact discs were forced upon consumers so that record companies could increase their profit margins.
Daria: That's important for a six year old to know.
(Pinch Sitter)

"So Cinderella skipped the ball and asked her fairy Godmother to make her the first woman president. Realizing that the monarchy was becoming obsolete, the prince opened a video store." -Daria, Pinch Sitter

"And the dish ran away with the spoon. But Hawaii was the only state that would recognize the marriage as legal." -Jane, Pinch Sitter

"I don't like to smile unless I have a reason." -Daria, The Misery Chick

Daria: Excuse me.
Tommy: You're kidding, right? You think I'm going to talk to you? (to Jane) You, maybe. Like, four hours into a kegger.
(The Misery Chick)

Mr. O'Neil: A spoonful of sugar helps the medcine go down.
Jane: Unless you're diabetic.
(Arts 'n' Crass)

"Shallow graves for shallow people." -Jane, Legends of the Mall

Trent: Do you ever feel like you're wasting your life, Daria?
Daria: Only when I'm not sleeping.
(Road Worrier)

Quinn: Don't worry, it's fake.
Daria: Aw, you got a tattoo to match your personality.
(Road Worrier)

"I don't like fun." -Daria, Too Cute

"I can't shoot my own mother. Not with paint, anyway." -Daria, The Daria Hunter

"Good. I was feeling too dry." -Daria (as it starts to rain), The Daria Hunter

"We are now entering Hell. Please keep your hands and elbows inside the car." -Daria, I Don't

Jane: He wanted you to watch her birth? That could scar you for life.
Daria: The birth itself did that.
(Monster)

"You are now entering Lawndale: IQ limits strictly enforced." -Daria, The Daria Diaries

Marina: Oh, come, Daria. You must have some goal.
Daria : My goal is not to wake up at 40 with the bitter realization that I've wasted my life in a job I hate because I was forced to decide on a career in my teens.
(Gifted)

Jane: Perfect record. I've gotten the same thing three years in a row.
Daria: Accountant?
Jane: That's what happens when you fill in the letter "C" for every answer. Gets the whole test over within five minutes.
Daria: You mean you didn't even try to answer the questions?
Jane: Questions? What questions? What did you get?
Daria: Let's see. (looks at sheet and frowns)
Jane: Don't worry about it. How much can they tell from a standardized test? I've had fortune cookies that were more accurate.
Kevin: Petroleum dispen... dispensation? Hey, I'm going to be an oil typhoon!
Brittany: Ooh, Kevvy, that's great!
Mr. DeMartino: Sound it out, Kevin! This says you'll be pumping gas at a filling station.
Kevin: I'm going to be a gas jockey for the rest of my life?
Brittany: Ewww!
Jane: Then again, sometimes these tests can be absolutely uncanny.
(It Happened One Nut)

Quinn: Does anyone notice anything special about me?
Daria: Yes. From just the right angle, I really can see through your head.
(It Happened One Nut)

Helen: "Your lack of interest in personal interaction makes you an ideal candidate for working with the dead." Daria, have you given any thought to your career plans?
Daria: I guess I'll just wait around for people to kick the bucket.
Helen: I can't believe you're not more ambitous.
Daria: You want me to kill people to drum up business?
(It Happened One Nut)

Kevin: Wow! That's your third sale. I thought you brains only knew about school stuff, but, like, you know how to sell nuts, too. Amazing.
Daria: Yes, Kevin. You'd be surprised how handy a command of basic literacy skills can be.
(It Happened One Nut)

"How did she get over the side of the cage?! Don't boa constrictors have gravity?" -Quinn, It Happened One Nut

"Jane, do you need an attorney? I don't do criminal work but I'll get you someone. Don't say anything to anyone until we get over there." -Helen, It Happened One Nut

"Life sucks no matter what, so don't be fooled by location changes." -Daria, Is It Fall Yet?

More quotes at Wikiquote.

back to quotes
back to favorites
home