Addams Family Quotes

The Addams Family

"We danced the Mamushka while Nero fiddled, we danced the Mamushka at Waterloo. We danced the Mamushka for Jack the Ripper, and now, Fester Addams, this Mamushka is for you." -Gomez

[Wednesday is hooking up an electric chair.]
Wednesday: Pugsley, sit in the chair.
Pugsley: Why?
Wednesday: Because we're going to play a game.
Pugsley: What game?
Wednesday: [strapping him in] It's called, "Is There a God?"

Pugsley: Aren't they dead?
Wednesday: Does it matter?

Girl Scout: Is this made from real lemons?
Wednesday: Yes.
Girl Scout: I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?
Pugsley: Yes.
Glir Scout: I'll tell you what. I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?
Wednesday: Are they made from real Girl Scouts?

"That's the spirit, Thing! Lend a hand!" -Gomez

"He looks so sweet. Just like a little entree." -Morticia, watching Pugsley sleep

Morticia: Children, what are you doing?
Wednesday: I'm going to electrocute him.
Morticia: But we're late for the charity auction.
Wednesday: But, Mother...
Morticia: I said no.
Pugsley: Pleeaaaase?
Morticia: Oh, all right.

"Thing, you're a handful." -Morticia

"Don't torture yourself, Gomez. That's my job." -Morticia

Wednesday: Please pass the salt.
Morticia: And what do we say?
Wednesday: NOW.

"Wednesday, play with your food!" -Morticia

Gomez: How long has it been since we waltzed?
Morticia: Oh, Gomez... hours.

"Eyes, fingers, toes: two, ten, eleven!" -Gomez

"They say that a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. And with God as my witness, I am that fool!" -Gomez

Addams Family Values

Young Girl: ... and then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and put the diamond in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby too.
Wednesday: They had sex.

Debbie: What a lady killer!
Gomez: Aquitted.

[They're going swimming.]
Amanda: I'll be the victim.
Wednesday: All your life.

Wednesday: I'm not perky.
Amanda: Well, that's for damn sure.

Debbie: These Addams men, where do you find them?
Morticia: It has to be damp.

Pugsley: We don't hug.
Gary: Oh, you're just shy.
Wednesday: We're not shy, we're contagious.

Amanda Buckman: Why are you dressed like somebody died?
Wednesday: Wait.

Gomez: He has my father's eyes.
Morticia: Gomez, take those out of his mouth.

Gomez: Children, why do you hate the baby?
Pugsley: We don't hate him. We just wanna play with him.
Wednesday: Especially his head.

"You'll meet someone. Someone very special. Someone who won't press charges." -Gomez, to Fester

"Don't I yearn? And ache? And shop? Don't I deserve love? And jewelry?" -Debbie

Debbie: Would you die for me?
Fester: Yes.
Debbie: Promise?

"Wait, we can not break bread with you. You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, and you will play golf. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They said do not trust the pilgrims. And especially do not trust Sarah Miller. For all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground." -Wednesday, as an Indian, ad-libbing during a Thanksgiving play

Delivery Room Doctor: Would you like some anesthesia?
Morticia: No, but do ask the children.

[The dancer in the cake doesn't pop out.]
Gomez: Was she in the cake before you baked it?
[Lurch hangs his head.]

Addams Family Reunion

"Look at the little ones! They're so pale and misbehaved." -Grandma Addams (gushing over Wednesday and Pugsley)

Classic TV Show

"Life is not all thorns and singing vultures." -Morticia

"A watched cauldron never bubbles." -Morticia

Gomez: The 'L' stands for 'Lucifer.'
Morticia: Very appropriate for a politician.

"Weeds are my favorite flower!" -Ophelia

Woman: The house...looks like it's haunted.
Morticia: Thank you.

Woman: What kind of powder does your mommy use?
Wednesday: Baking powder.
Woman: I mean on her face.
Wednesday: Baking powder.

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